I usually write these late at night, which explains why I am so mean.
So a date that I was reminded of today was with a guy I worked with. Yeah, I know... don't do that. But he was a nice guy. Oh wait.. before I forget to tell you.... "Flirt & Convert" does NOT work. Not my best moment.
I was kind of getting the vibe that this guy liked me, and we started hanging out a bit. He was decently good looking, had a fab body (I'm shallow sometimes) and a nice car. That he bragged about all the time. Like, every time I got into it. Anyhow, one day we went to the ledge grounds to splash in the pool. It's not a big pool but hey, it's all we have for free outdoor entertainment. It's really a glorified kiddy-pool that kids and homeless people pee in and bathe in. We had some fun and then went to get a bite to eat at Taco Bell. Yes, I eat that slop and I love it. But now that I've given up all carbs, fats, sugar and starches I eat diet sawdust. Anyhow, there we were. Eating tacos. He was REALLY into eating well and fitness, and he made some comment that the food was fattening. Then he said "You know, you have a nice body now, but if you gain any more weight I won't be interested in you anymore."
My jaw dropped to the floor.
I made up my mind then and there to splice a photo of my face onto a really fat woman and give it to him for Christmas. Or better yet, add him in and make it a Christmas card and send it to all our friends and family. Anyhow.
I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he was rather awkward, and we went back to his house. Might I remind you that he wasn't a Christian, and that flirt and convert never work? Ok then. So his roommate is using the living room and I don't think they got along very well, so he's like "Hey I just bought new bedroom furniture, want to see it?" I'm not sure if this is a "line" or not, but I was thinking in my mind there BETTER be freaking new furniture in there or I'm leaving. I mean, we're friends and not dating, so there was no reason for him to think he's getting anywhere in my business, and in this case I made a mad dash for the desk chair that sat one person only! Hahahahhaha.
Three things:
1.) Yes, new furniture. But he was too cheap to buy an IKEA mattress to fit into his IKEA bed-frame, so he put his old mattress in it and it was slopping over one side and definitely not level. Kind of hilarious.
2.) HE HAD A STACK OF SELF-HELP BOOKS ON HIS NIGHTSTAND. Buddy, did you not think to put those away before you brought a girl to your room?
3.) He brought out a guitar and started singing to me. This is where I lost it, and was like... it's time to go.
Needless to say... we remained friends. And then I quit my job and never saw him again.
So there you go.
