10 things to do on a bad blind date.

This is hilarious... 

I found this list of things to do while on a bad blind date.... wish I had thought of some of them. 

Faking the Ebola virus is my favourite... 

From Cara Gundersen..... check it out! 

Ok, I'll make my own list. 

The WASTE OF MAKEUP list of things to do on a bad blind date. 

1.) Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and go out and key his car.
2.) Steal his credit card and order him things online like snuggies and self-help books.
3.) Put an eno in your mouth and fake a seizure.
4.) Wear your wedding dress.
5.) Chew with your mouth open and let a little food fall onto the table.
6.) Ask him the same question every few minutes.
7.) Draw a cartoon of your bad blind date as it's happening and share it.
8.) Try to pick up another guy right there and then. See what happens.
9.) Arrange his name into an anagram that reads "I am Lord Voldemort."
10.) Call him and ask him out on his cell while you're both sitting there... .. .

Enjoy. I've come close to number 5 in real life, only it was puke. Kind of wonder how I managed to get a second date... but it happened. BELIEVE IT.

Worst Valentines Day EVER.

Let me tell you about the worst Valentines day I have ever had.

You mean, besides the subsequent 13 that were spent alone? Yeah. For some reason, this event scarred me enough that I just don't date people around V-day.

So my boyfriend invited me over to his house for a romantic dinner for two. Translation: I want to sleep with you tonight. SO anyways... I arrive and he is trying his best, being that he's a guy that can't cook. Menu is spaghetti. Spaghetti isn't really a romantic food... it's what you get at elementary school lunch, or on the side at the Olive Garden. It's the type of food that actually can make the night go worse.... sauce all over your face, spaghetti slurping, fork spoon positioning, noodle mishaps... too much going on there. When I was a kid my mom made me put on a hot pink sweatshirt whenever we had pasta because I was such a messy eater. I pretty much still am.

He had been trying to make this pasta for awhile, because he didn't know how to turn on the stove. He kept turning on the oven instead and was dumbfounded that the top of the stove wasn't boiling the water. After awhile I took pity and helped him. He boiled that spaghetti for a looooong time. It was like one big glued together mess that he drained and cut in half with a knife and slapped on two plates, then poured canned sauce on top. Bon Appetite!

Problem was that he lived with his Dad, who also planned to bring a girl home for a Romantic Valentines Day Dinner. Just as we sat down to congealed noodles, his dad came home with a girl.

AND THEN HE STARTED YELLING.

He started yelling at my bf for being home when he wanted to be alone with his girl. He yelled at him for using plates. He yelled at him for using his food, to feed a stranger. He yelled at him for using the fireplace, and wood that didn't belong to him to burn in the fireplace. He yelled at him for making a mess in the kitchen. He yelled at him for not knowing telepathically that he was inviting his own girl over. He yelled at him for everything under the sun. It was so uncomfortable and awkward. At first I thought maybe it was some kind of act, but I soon stopped laughing when I saw his crazy angry eyes.

AND THEN HE STARTED YELLING AT ME.

He called me every name in the book. The B word, the A word, and even the C word. Right in front of his guest, his son and as far as I know all the neighbours could hear. At least one person heard, because they CALLED THE FREAKING COPS when they started to hear glass smashing.

He smashed the plates we were eating off of, the bowl of spaghetti, the glasses of wine, and then he threw a pot from the kitchen into the dining room and smashed a mirror.

So... cops show up... as I am putting my shoes on and leaving through the back door un-noticed.

I took the bus home. On valentines day. After some guy's dad called me the C word.

Note: This also explains why I never want to meet a guy's parents, and why I like to date orphans.

HAPPY BLACK TUESDAY TO YOU....