SHOULD I DATE THIS MAN VOLUME 2

Sometimes I get surprised by the feedback about the blog. Some friends in NYC that I visited told me that they sat in front of the computer all night reading the blog and peeing their pants. Flattering.

Another time I gave a ride to a random person, who realized who I was, and screamed out "You write the blind date blog! All my friends would read it during history class when we were bored!" Well, I can't blame you for being interested. It IS history after all. Just the bad kind, like communism or Hitlers to-do list.

Online dating isn't really working for me this time... I've only met psychopaths so far. READ ON.

SHOULD I DATE THIS MAN? VOLUME II
Option 1) Hey, I'm James and I'm from Edmonton. I'm a nice guy who likes making people laugh, and I grew up on a farm. I'm not your typical guy.

On a first date: well, assuming that this was a girl that I'd been talking to for a while so it was a real date (a "test things out" date would be like "lunch") I would take her out for something to do like bowling although I never go and I suck at it, or to the driving range to share a bucket of balls, because I never go and I suck at it. Lol, either way I'd have fun. Then I'd take her too see something, maybe live theatre at the citadel as long as it was something funny instead of some story about transvestites or something which they always seem to have playing. Or maybe live comedy at the comic strip, but that depends on the girl because they're pretty uncouth. Next, I'd take her out for dinner, I would say to Japanese village because it's my favorite and they flip knives and stuff but that's more of a third or fourth date thing...too bad. Smokin Joes is pretty good, or else Kyoto Sushi if she's into that because it's the best sushi in town. Then I'd drive her home and if the date went well I'd pop my trunk and give her the flowers. Might seem odd, but it'll catch her totally off guard because flowers are a beginning of a date thing, but to hell with that. Then if the date doesn't go well, they go in the garbage. This way if it doesn't go well, I can give them to my mom or sister or something.

Option 2) The best way to describe me is "mercurial"! I am moving, restless, seeking, and learning. I am constantly in motion, a torrent of wind! I`m intellectual and won`t hesitate to play games with my lover, only child`s play though! I am a great communicator, so get ready to hear everything from pithy remarks to impassioned pleas. Inventive, quick-witted and fun, I may move from one relationship to the next until I find the one which is as smart as I am and able to keep up with my high-spirited personality. The reward for those who lasso me is a free-spirited lover who shines at parties but is also a devil in the bedroom. And I`m also ambidextrous...oooooh

On a first date: I'm down for anything... 

Option 3) Your profile says "just ask" but nobody ever answers. "Just ask" what? O-o

Im ranked as one of the top ten Instrumental Composers in Canada (Source: Reverb Nation). Im working on an instrumental album for 2013. Think "Timbaland" meets "David Guetta" meets "Skrillex" meets Katy Perry. Im very busy doing the work of between 20 and 30 people so basically it's not that I don't have a life its just creating music IS my life. I hope to find someone as passionate about creating music as I am, even more!

If you pass me over because I chose to live at home instead of living in a sh#tty apartment like 60% of you do then that's your loss. I got money in the bank, I have a car, I could buy you a car and a trip to Honolulu if I wanted to, I dont have to deal with sh%tty neighbors, I have no debt, I own several website domain names I might sell in the future, I have a job, actually 3 jobs because I stock trade as well. Im a very nice guy, TOO nice but you would never know that because you never reply to my messages or read my profile.

I'm average height. Husky build. I look intimidating but I'm a teddy bear. By "other ethnicity" I mean "who gives a care what your ethnicity is?"

On a first date:  NOTE: He just left that blank, so I call it foreshadowing. 


GOD HELP US ALL. 

STATS.

It's Saturday night, and the closest thing in proximity is a 2 inch red cockroach laying on it's back on the floor twitching in this hostel. So, as you can see if I lower my standards a bit I have a date only 6 feet away. GLORY!

I thought I'd share some stats. I love it when new countries read the blog, like Netherlands, United Arab Emirates, and Greece... etc. It's usually just once though, enough to give me a little thrill and wish that I was in those countries eating ethnic food and squatting on strange toilets. But of course the most views are from North America and Russia. But Rwanda? How did that happen? Is anyone in Rwanda even remotely interested in a white girl from Canada that meets Christian guys that are either insane, un-socialised or just plain rude? (and cheap..... don't forget they are cheap).

I also wanted to share the stats for "search keywords" because I am a little dumbfounded.

Beautiful Thai women? - I'm not Thai, but I can speak a little.
"Are you warm in that sweater?" - why would anyone google THAT?
Dairy Queen Hulk Cakes. - when did I EVER blog about dairy queen, the hulk or cake?
I don't care if you stand on your he... ??? I can't even read the rest of that sentence.

Last but not least...

Kids in underwears. - ok perverts, stay the hell away from my blog! 

SHOULD I DATE THIS MAN?

So a friend of mine that was single FOREVER and we were all worried she had joined the other team... told me today that she met a guy through friends that met on Plenty of Fish. Apparantly internet dating works... (for some people).

I peeked at what's available and it inspired a new game called:

SHOULD I DATE THIS MAN? fun with cut and paste. 


Option 1) I am a single-minded stereotypical asian single man who enjoys the outdoors. I like to travel when possible to shake up the natural tendency of the daily routine. I am fortunate to work among fantastic coworkers in a career that I enjoy. In spare time I like to play chess or read. It will be nice to meet someone just as interesting.

On a first date: Something not requiring too much idle conversation. How about cycling, tennis, or golf?

Option 2) Hey,Currently i am spending sometime in the Prison System. (Edmonton Instn)
I Love Mototcycles, I Enjoy all kinds of Music some new some old, while i'm in here I work out everyday, do some reading even go to church ever sunday. I think I'm a pretty easy going guy, made a mistake and now working on paying the price,
I also help my dad fix up Race cars, spent time at the race track.
I am Looking for someone to Write to me, send me letters, pictures, maybe get to know eachothe that way (pen-pal)
i do not have much computer acss so this would be the best way!
look forward to getting to know someone that doesn't judge a book.... 

On a first date: A 1st date, that would most likely be a visit inside, its a High security place so anyone with a record couldn't come.

Option 3) my hobbies are swimming and roller blading.i also like cooking im a great cook.i mostly find bad girls so i was hoping i might meet a couple good one if i tried online dating for a change. everyone around me is crying most of the time.id love to get married but so far its just a dream.

On a first date: id think first dates are mostly just a chance to see if we can get along,theres so many angry people out there im just looking for some one as happy as i am.no point in dating gloomy girls.

REAL PROFILES, FROM REAL PEOPLE. 

To be honest.. I'm leaning towards the criminal. 

Happy 1st Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BLOG! 

Amazing. A whole year went by from the INSPIRATION FOR THIS BLOG. The bad blind date that made me get in my car, and say out loud, "That was a total waste of makeup." You see when girls get older, makeup costs more. You have to decide to either get botox, or buy the good stuff from Sephora. This is also why so many girls over 30 can't pay their phone bills, but look suspiciously taut. (My phone service is cut off at this very minute). (I'm serious, call me and find out). 

Did you know there is a cream called: "Hope in a Jar?" It's probably made of the inner thigh skin from a baby goat foetus but it's worth every penny. I've turned 25 for 7 years now and no one knows the difference. 

Over the past year I've dished it out about every single crummy guy I've ever had the bad luck to meet... with the exception of two. I'm saving them for a rainy day. 

I relocated to New York City for a semester, but I didn't meet Prince Charming. I met a dirty hippy that spat on me out in Red Hook, countless guys with du rags that were like "Hey.... Momma," a Latino gang member that looked down my shirt on the M train, and a homeless man on a corner out in Bushwick that wore a black puffy jacket every single day and stared at the sun and he wouldn't even take a free Nathan's pizza from me much less my phone number.



I came back to Canada and when a guy in the produce section of my grocery store asked me if I wanted to have coffee (After he saw me smelling my asparagus), I was like.. "You know, I honestly don't have the time for this, no matter how amusing or awkward you might be... I just have too much homework to get done." He kind of just backed away. I saw him later by the milk coolers, and I ran down the bread aisle like a total freak so he wouldn't see me. 

What can I say? If Hope comes in a jar, life can't be all that bad. Even the bible says that "Hope does not disappoint us..." and you can't argue with the apostle Paul. I probably just didn't read the directions on the label... 

I just bought a ticket to Utah.

Pretty much all the guys on Christian Mingle are ugly. 

The good looking ones are just too good looking 

like underwear models in the sears catalogue. 

Guys in their 30s want to date girls in their 20's. Ouch. 

Guys in their 40's want to date girls in their 30's... 

DEAR GOD SAVE ME. 

Now for reasons I don't understand, most of my friends my age are married with kids. They slowly stop hanging out with you, because you just have nothing in common anymore. I mean... you're alone and they aren't. Don't get me wrong, I don't really want to be woken up at 3 am by screaming children or change diapers. I like getting 14 hours of sleep a night. It just sucks that everyone else isn't available to go out all the time. 

So, I made friends 10 years younger than me. EAT THAT OLD PEOPLE. 

But now... they too are slowly getting married and engaged and having kids also. Pretty soon, I will be the only single female on earth, and will be easy pickings for a polygamist cult to pick up. 

It must be so nice to live on a polygamist commune. You are pretty much guaranteed to get married NO MATTER WHAT. You might have to share him with 8 other women, and he might be in his 60's, but chances are he will want to breed it up asap. You get to have sister-wives to hang out with all day while doing laundry and cooking. The clothes are cotton and breathable. The puffed sleeves add a little something. You never have to pay for a haircut again, or buy makeup. You don't even need to take care of your own kids, because they have 9 other mothers. 

I just bought a ticket to Utah. 

The Strong Man.

This morning I took my first ever self-defence course. I realise that I was ripe for the picking with all the creepy rapists in Brooklyn, considering I fight like a girl. Now I can fight like a girl who has a chance of doing more than peeing her pants.

Practising the awesome Chuck Norris moves today on the mat, I was reminded of the time I dated a guy who liked to fight. (And yes.. the woman that taught the class DID fight for Chuck Norris in real life so she knows what she's doing). But I digress.

A few years ago I decided to give a strongman a chance. I met him online, and I kept telling him I wasn't interested, he was too muscled and I didn't want to date a guy that had side effects of steroids. He emailed me so many times to tell me that all his manly parts were fine, and in fact over those emails I learnt that he actually had a brain. No joke, he read books. The classics even. He had a degree in English Lit, and he had muscles... do you know that song called "Walking Contradiction" by Green day? It's so catchy.

I agreed to meet him for dinner, and I wasn't sure what KIND of muscly guy he was. Was he a beer and hot dogs kind of guy? Was he a burger guy? Turns out he was a SALAD GUY. For crying out loud. The only thing that lettuce is good for is frolicking through a lettuce patch on a Sunday afternoon while you're eating a burger that is so greasy your face becomes luminescent.

I felt pressured in that 2 seconds to order a salad too. Would he think I was some kind of carnivore? Turns out I don't give in to peer pressure, and I ordered a burger anyway. I kind of felt like he would judge me, but at the same time I was coming off the Dr.Berenstein diet where you eat almost nothing to begin with... so I was ready to stuff my face full of ground beef and cheese.

I actually really enjoyed hanging with him, and when he asked me if I wanted to go out again I decided it wouldn't kill me. Except that it kind of did. His great idea of a second date was to take me to this martial arts training place... and you see where I'm going with this? No you don't. You really don't. I know you're thinking that he signed us up for a class. That is not true. He only signed HIMSELF UP. And I was supposed to stand there like some kind of soccer Mom watching him. He said that he spends most of his free time there. Ugh. The class was 2 hours. 2 hours of death. It smelled like B.O. Some other muscled guy tried to pick me up, and I gave him Jenny's number. You know... 867- 5309.

After 2 hours of pretending to be encouraging while he kicked and punched... I was tired. I realised that for all his sparkling blue eyes there was a future of watching a man with an obsession... and I need a guy that is obsessed with Jesus instead. 

SURPRISE I've relocated to NEw York.

If you've noticed the title of this post, I have moved to New York.

I know, I dated all the men in Canada, so now it's time to go American. I like American cheese, so I figured it was a good choice.

Now that I've spent a couple weeks in Brooklyn I have noticed some things. Sometimes you will be sitting on the subway across from either a cranky person, a homeless person, or a drop dead gorgeous hipster. And you just don't know where to look. You really don't want to make eye contact with any of them, except the hipster but I don't know all the "rules" in Brooklyn. It's a whole different culture my friends. I don't want to get stabbed.

The other day I went to Rockefeller centre, which was actually disappointing because it's really small in person. I bought some deli lunch and sat and watched tourists fall on their asses while I ate. The guy on the bench beside me ended up trying to pick me up. This happens frequently. I think that a lot of guys try to pick up girls that are just a little bit chubby because they think that we are desperate and will sleep with any guy who notices them. This might be true, but not in my case.

So Mr. Rockefeller was average height, a little chubby, premature balding, and I think he was either Jewish or maybe Greek or some kind of combo? He was wearing a suit, so I thought hey maybe he's rich or something, but then I looked down. His shoes were orthopaedic black running shoes. With a suit. Seriously? I've heard about women wearing comfy shoes on the subway and then putting the heels on at the office but I didn't know men did this too? He showed me where he lives (Astoria), on a map, not in person... and told me about how he was happy as a kid when he was grooming dogs with his grandparents.

Grooming dogs. Yup. If you sat through that video congratulations. Personally I didn't even watch it myself. That's how much I care about dogs. So Mr. Rockefeller and I chatted for an hour and a half, and walked around the square, him in orthopaedic shoes and me in my heels... talking about anal glands and the importance of maintaining the area. How romantic. We went into the Lego store and he took pictures of me looking at Lego. Then he took one of both of us which was weird. Who does that? Meet a perfect stranger and takes photos of them and puts them on FB? Mr. Rockefeller, that's who. I mean... it's kind of nice, being someones imaginary FB girlfriend. Thanks Honey.

So this is the thing.

I had to get going, and I mentioned I had to meet a friend for coffee. (Lies). He told me about a great coffee shop around the corner and yada-blah-blah-pretentious-financial-guy-talk-stuff and then I thought he was going to maybe ask for my number and suggest coffee... but he just said "nice to meet you" and took off. Like who does that? Spends an hour and a half talking to a girl, being friendly and then takes off? I don't get these Americans. Why did he mention a coffee shop in the first place?

Next time I'm going for a homeless guy. I talked to a guy on the subway that was wearing a dirty bib around his next with food stains, carrying a clear garbage bag full of bottles and a golf club. Should have gotten his number.