Mr. Soccer Jersey

You know, after all these years trying to find a decent guy, I still haven't given up. I've seen 99.9% of my friends get married and live in kitchen-aid bliss. I've seen it all...

Boyfriend pics, 

ring pics, 

engagement pics, 

tbt pics, 

shower pics, 

wedding pics, 

baby bump pics, 

baby pics, 

2nd baby bump pics, 

3rd baby bump pics 

and for one lucky friend a 4th baby bump pic. I say "lucky" because the kid is adorable but you know... diapers, puke, crying... lol. And I can only imaging what happens to your vagina after 4 kids. 

It's all a little obnoxious. I'm running out of people to unfollow. But the girls doing it don't think it's obnoxious. How are they not sick of it either? Oh. It's all about competition baby. And in this game of "my life is better than yours and I can prove it," I am a loser.

Of course I'm jealous that they can brag on the internet about things that I cannot... but for now I'm enjoying my nights off and my 10 hours of un-disturbed sleep every single night. However, it still kind of sucks not having someone to take those pics of... (Oh I've got cats.) 

I haven't given up, but I haven't lowered my standards. "But how do you expect to meet someone if you won't be open to anyone?" Well. There are some men that you don't want to be open to. 

A friend texted me the other day "How would you feel about going out with a fish monger?" 

What. How is that even possible? #1 I didn't know that was a real job. I figured that fishermen just did their thing... fishmongers are real and they sell fish. However I actually hate fish and I won't eat it. Fish are supposed to feed dolphins, whales and sharks and then white people go to aquariums to look at them through glass. And then Japanese people eat them. 

Another friend knows a guy that "does crafts, and cooks." 

Hmmmm. That's kind of different. Usually you don't find that combination in straight men. But she said he goes to church, so I was like ok maybe? She said he's an engineer, so he definitely wouldn't be after me for my money. I'm laughing as I say that. And this is what happened. He emailed me mentioning that our mutual friend wanted to set us up and that he doesn't like blind dates. In fact he hates them and called them "trainwrecks". So I of course offered to dress up in a lady-suit and he could pretend to interview me for a job if that would put his mind at ease. He politely declined, but asked me out for coffee and said "I'll be the one in the soccer jersey and the ball cap." 

That just gave me the creeps right off the bat. I pictured sitting across the table from this guy wearing this jersey and I was like, ok this is not going to work for me. (for good reasons... stop judging). I ran this past a few friends and they were like honey no. I was like exactly. Because this. 

I shower for dates and put on makeup and clean clothes. I definitely put more effort into going on a date than I put into going to Walmart. And there are plenty of guys in Walmart in soccer jerseys. I actually TRY to impress the guy I am meeting with more than my sparkling wit. And this guy just GETS to roll out of bed, throw on a jersey and a CAP and meet a gorgeous girl. How fair is that? And if a guy doesn't put any effort into a first date... what's next? Using toilet paper as a coffee filter? Opening a case of beer and calling it a night? Like come on buddy if I'm not worth even combing your hair for then you are not a dateable man. 

And I am a very worthy woman. I have the vagina of a 20 year old! I am financially responsible for myself! I am fucking hilarious! And I don't drink or do drugs!  I am definitely worth a shower at least. So I messaged him back saying no thanks, I feel like I am not attracted to guys who put no effort into meeting a woman. And I included a link to a REALLY great article about what to wear on a first date. 

Never heard from him again, lol. I guess he didn't read it. But you can! Click below to up your game. 

Behold.. the Art of Manliness

SHOULD I DATE THIS MAN VOLUME 2

Sometimes I get surprised by the feedback about the blog. Some friends in NYC that I visited told me that they sat in front of the computer all night reading the blog and peeing their pants. Flattering.

Another time I gave a ride to a random person, who realized who I was, and screamed out "You write the blind date blog! All my friends would read it during history class when we were bored!" Well, I can't blame you for being interested. It IS history after all. Just the bad kind, like communism or Hitlers to-do list.

Online dating isn't really working for me this time... I've only met psychopaths so far. READ ON.

SHOULD I DATE THIS MAN? VOLUME II
Option 1) Hey, I'm James and I'm from Edmonton. I'm a nice guy who likes making people laugh, and I grew up on a farm. I'm not your typical guy.

On a first date: well, assuming that this was a girl that I'd been talking to for a while so it was a real date (a "test things out" date would be like "lunch") I would take her out for something to do like bowling although I never go and I suck at it, or to the driving range to share a bucket of balls, because I never go and I suck at it. Lol, either way I'd have fun. Then I'd take her too see something, maybe live theatre at the citadel as long as it was something funny instead of some story about transvestites or something which they always seem to have playing. Or maybe live comedy at the comic strip, but that depends on the girl because they're pretty uncouth. Next, I'd take her out for dinner, I would say to Japanese village because it's my favorite and they flip knives and stuff but that's more of a third or fourth date thing...too bad. Smokin Joes is pretty good, or else Kyoto Sushi if she's into that because it's the best sushi in town. Then I'd drive her home and if the date went well I'd pop my trunk and give her the flowers. Might seem odd, but it'll catch her totally off guard because flowers are a beginning of a date thing, but to hell with that. Then if the date doesn't go well, they go in the garbage. This way if it doesn't go well, I can give them to my mom or sister or something.

Option 2) The best way to describe me is "mercurial"! I am moving, restless, seeking, and learning. I am constantly in motion, a torrent of wind! I`m intellectual and won`t hesitate to play games with my lover, only child`s play though! I am a great communicator, so get ready to hear everything from pithy remarks to impassioned pleas. Inventive, quick-witted and fun, I may move from one relationship to the next until I find the one which is as smart as I am and able to keep up with my high-spirited personality. The reward for those who lasso me is a free-spirited lover who shines at parties but is also a devil in the bedroom. And I`m also ambidextrous...oooooh

On a first date: I'm down for anything... 

Option 3) Your profile says "just ask" but nobody ever answers. "Just ask" what? O-o

Im ranked as one of the top ten Instrumental Composers in Canada (Source: Reverb Nation). Im working on an instrumental album for 2013. Think "Timbaland" meets "David Guetta" meets "Skrillex" meets Katy Perry. Im very busy doing the work of between 20 and 30 people so basically it's not that I don't have a life its just creating music IS my life. I hope to find someone as passionate about creating music as I am, even more!

If you pass me over because I chose to live at home instead of living in a sh#tty apartment like 60% of you do then that's your loss. I got money in the bank, I have a car, I could buy you a car and a trip to Honolulu if I wanted to, I dont have to deal with sh%tty neighbors, I have no debt, I own several website domain names I might sell in the future, I have a job, actually 3 jobs because I stock trade as well. Im a very nice guy, TOO nice but you would never know that because you never reply to my messages or read my profile.

I'm average height. Husky build. I look intimidating but I'm a teddy bear. By "other ethnicity" I mean "who gives a care what your ethnicity is?"

On a first date:  NOTE: He just left that blank, so I call it foreshadowing. 


GOD HELP US ALL.