Mr Sweatpants.

I haven't posted in a bit because I went on exactly 3 dates with exactly 3 losers in 2014 and it was so depressing I almost couldn't write about it. But I just got home from another disgusting waste of time date, so I was like... ok... what's in the archives?

Mr. Sweatpants. 

I found myself shopping checking online on the dating sites to see what's what. Not much to be honest. I find that on sites like "Plenty of Fish" people click the "Christian" box when they are a) not catholic, b) think they should click it so they can go to heaven, or c) click it so they get more people looking at their profiles. Either way if someone makes no mention of God in their profile, I usually skip it. We talk about what's important to us and I feel like that should be on there.

I exchanged a few emails with a guy... lets call him Mr. Sweatpants. He seemed nice, normal, a little boring but it's honestly hard to tell without meeting someone in person. I just like to get it over with asap, so since I found myself working at an outdoor festival this summer- I was like hey come on by and say hi! (Not my best move...)

He said that he would come check out the festival, and I showed my friends his profile picture and said to watch out for him. Unfortunately they saw him before I did! They told me they saw a guy in sweatpants riding a bike around. Oh man. Sweatpants? I don't know the logic behind that decision.

I'm not a guy, but... would you think it makes a good impression to
a) be dressed like a 5 year old child?
b) give the impression you have been sweating?
c) have a pork sword flopping around like that?

And no... they weren't cool sweatpants as per the fall 2014 fashion season. They were forrest green and didn't match his shirt. So I am pretty much automatically turned off by this. No effort at all to look nice or clean when you meet someone. Plus, he rode his bike right in my booth, (NO!) and interrupted me with customers, and basically made an A.D.D nuisance of himself. After a long, boring monologue about a forklift... he got on his bike and rode away. But then he came by and offered me some fruit. I don't know where he got the fruit, but I know better than to accept fruit from a guy in sweatpants on a bike. And I never saw him again.

Fast Forward a year later... and my friends saw him milling around at my work, so what do I do? I hide under my table. 

A German Breakfast in France.

Oh my gosh. So I went to France.

The thing about France is that EVERYTHING is a tourist attraction. Moulin Rouge, the Louvre, Eiffel Tower... crawling with people. Everywhere you go you can't really get a moments peace and enjoy yourself unless.... you get up at 5 am in order to get there before everyone else does. I tried this. I'm not a morning person by any means but I did it. Woke up at 5, and was downstairs for breakfast by 6.

The man that served breakfast in my hostel was really creepy. And really French. He would watch you to make sure you only took one croissant and one day he frowned at me taking 2 sugar cubes and on my 6 am early day he saw me coming and REMOVED the sugar before I could take one. Then he pretended he didn't know English when I was like, Dude I can't drink this tea without sugar.

So this random German guy offered to share his honey. I usually don't accept food from strangers but since he was using it I thought it was probably ok. And part of travelling is getting out of your comfort zone and eating mysterious honey and talking to strangers at 6 am is definitely out of my comfort zone.

So I asked this guy why he was up at 6am and he said he hadn't been to bed yet, because they were at the club all night and then drank "many bottles of wine" outside on the sidewalk. His English (for a drunk guy) was actually really good, and he was actually really good looking. Tall, blond, beardy, strapping German lad. All he was missing was the Laederhosen! They don't make guys like that in Canada... and if they do they're in the woods somewhere because I can't find them.

So my new German friend invited me to his room to drink "bottles of wine" with his friends. Hell no. I was like "Oh, sorry I'm meeting my friend, I'm going to Versailles today!" I mean... it's 6am. Do you really think I have time to become a statistic and miss my grand tour of Europe because I'm skinned alive in a creepy hostel in france? Actually... it was a really nice design hostel.

So instead my new German friend invited me to come to Germany! "You must come to Germany and stay at my house and we will go to nightclubs! Germany has the best clubs and we will dance!" He gave me his phone number in Berlin... his address... he told me which train to take and all that jazz. I was kind of regretting putting makeup on.

(This is the best part.)

Then he made a sandwich and beat boxed for me. When I say that he "beat boxed" what I mean is that he said "boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants" over and over again... while doing a rave dance shuffle and eating a sandwich.

And I never saw him again...

Back in Business...

Hey Fans! I've had so many concerned emails...

"Where are you?"

"Hey this is funny... anymore dates?"

"Did you stop dating?"

"Did you get married or something?"

WOW. I had 78! emails from fans asking about me and telling me how much they love my horrid dating blog in my absence from posting. Plus my real friends in my real life were asking about it! Sorry guys. I have a life, or somewhat of a life.

I finished a bachelors degree and I was really stressed out, taking twice the amount of classes to graduate (with honours) and on time.

Then I laid around and watched netflix.

Then I started travelling.

Not much time for frivolous blind dating during that time, and remember that I've dated most of the men in my town already. Although I did have a somewhat blind date before I left on a backpacking trip. I'll post it this week....