Sunday, 11 March 2012

SURPRISE I've relocated to NEw York.

If you've noticed the title of this post, I have moved to New York.

I know, I dated all the men in Canada, so now it's time to go American. I like American cheese, so I figured it was a good choice.

Now that I've spent a couple weeks in Brooklyn I have noticed some things. Sometimes you will be sitting on the subway across from either a cranky person, a homeless person, or a drop dead gorgeous hipster. And you just don't know where to look. You really don't want to make eye contact with any of them, except the hipster but I don't know all the "rules" in Brooklyn. It's a whole different culture my friends. I don't want to get stabbed.

The other day I went to Rockefeller centre, which was actually disappointing because it's really small in person. I bought some deli lunch and sat and watched tourists fall on their asses while I ate. The guy on the bench beside me ended up trying to pick me up. This happens frequently. I think that a lot of guys try to pick up girls that are just a little bit chubby because they think that we are desperate and will sleep with any guy who notices them. This might be true, but not in my case.

So Mr. Rockefeller was average height, a little chubby, premature balding, and I think he was either Jewish or maybe Greek or some kind of combo? He was wearing a suit, so I thought hey maybe he's rich or something, but then I looked down. His shoes were orthopaedic black running shoes. With a suit. Seriously? I've heard about women wearing comfy shoes on the subway and then putting the heels on at the office but I didn't know men did this too? He showed me where he lives (Astoria), on a map, not in person... and told me about how he was happy as a kid when he was grooming dogs with his grandparents.

Grooming dogs. Yup. If you sat through that video congratulations. Personally I didn't even watch it myself. That's how much I care about dogs. So Mr. Rockefeller and I chatted for an hour and a half, and walked around the square, him in orthopaedic shoes and me in my heels... talking about anal glands and the importance of maintaining the area. How romantic. We went into the Lego store and he took pictures of me looking at Lego. Then he took one of both of us which was weird. Who does that? Meet a perfect stranger and takes photos of them and puts them on FB? Mr. Rockefeller, that's who. I mean... it's kind of nice, being someones imaginary FB girlfriend. Thanks Honey.

So this is the thing.

I had to get going, and I mentioned I had to meet a friend for coffee. (Lies). He told me about a great coffee shop around the corner and yada-blah-blah-pretentious-financial-guy-talk-stuff and then I thought he was going to maybe ask for my number and suggest coffee... but he just said "nice to meet you" and took off. Like who does that? Spends an hour and a half talking to a girl, being friendly and then takes off? I don't get these Americans. Why did he mention a coffee shop in the first place?

Next time I'm going for a homeless guy. I talked to a guy on the subway that was wearing a dirty bib around his next with food stains, carrying a clear garbage bag full of bottles and a golf club. Should have gotten his number.