Thursday, 22 December 2011

Mr. Ice Cream.

A few years ago I met this guy from the Internet at a coffee shop on the south side. It was a super super hot day and I wanted to go to the park with my friends, but I told them I would meet them after. And then probably make fun of the guy I just went out with. I think this is where I started to get a little jaded...

Anyhow, he was pretty good looking... brown hair, light eyes, he had decent clothing. We met for coffee and surprise surprise... he actually paid for mine. This almost never happens. We sit down and his phone rings. He actually answers it. And talks for almost 6 minutes. Srsly, who does that? It's not like it was business... it was a friend. Not sure if it was a girl or a boy, but they made plans to hang out the next day. Since I've never had a guy try to score a date while he's on a date... I choose to believe it was a guy.

Finally he gets off and we start to chat. And his phone rings. It's his mom. She invited him for lunch on Sunday. He gets off the phone. It rings again. It's another friend, and he's like "No, man, I can't talk now I'm busy. Nothing much. Nothing important. I'll talk to you later OK? Like in an hour." Oh good... he's planning to ditch me in an hour. At least I know when the date will end.

He announces that it's too hot for coffee. So, he wants to get ice cream. We went to the fancy ice cream place where they serve you a scoop of ice cream for $6 and smash in a bunch of candy. Not my favourite, but every now and again it's nice to have a teenager with no upper body strength try to smash oreo's into rock hard ice cream. Sometimes I'm like... "no no.. it's not mixed enough!" and they glare at me and wish I was dead.

He paid, again... nicely done. I picked vanilla with strawberries mixed in. He picked bubblegum with peanut butter cup mixed in. It looks as gross as it sounds. You know what is even grosser? Sitting in the hot sun with a guy spilling bubblegum and peanut butter ice cream on your jeans. This guy ordered like a 5 year old, and ate like a 5 year old. My 3 year old niece doesn't even make a mess like that. So he's all drippy, and what does he do? He WIPES HIS HANDS ALL OVER HIS JEANS. Well, now we match.

He wanted to walk me to my car but I just washed it and I didn't want him near it. So I let him walk me to someone else's car. I just picked the first one that looked good as we walked down the block. This is the best part.... We just kind of said yeah, I had a good time.... so see you around. He didn't try to hug me or stick his tongue down my throat or anything, but he stood there watching me. He was just watching me. I asked if he forgot something, and he said that he wanted to make sure I got home OK. What? He's the 5 year old after all.

So this wasn't my car. He caught me.

Except... I tried the door handle AND IT OPENED. OMG right? I got in and shut the door, and he left. I was terrified that the real owner of the car would come back at that exact moment... or the cops have an internal radar where they know that someone is in someone else's car and I would get busted for attempted grand theft auto. I got out as fast as I could and nonchalantly walked to my real car.

Lock your doors ppl.