Sunday, 16 December 2012

Other people have it worse than I do, hallelujah.

There's just something about hearing about other people's bad blind dates that automatically makes you feel better about your own miserable dating life. I spent the afternoon growing at least 3 inches taller while I heard these horror stories.

So my friend managed to have a good blind date last night, although... I suspect that she will find something wrong with him sooner than later. She said that he had an eyebrow ring, which is SO late 90's. I'm always surprised that people still pierce them. It's just not popular anymore. Plus, it leaves a scar. I know this, because I was alive in the late 90's and no matter what- I have the curse of the eyebrow piercing that never grew in. If I want to re-visit my youth I can just stick a safety pin in there. 21 piercings and counting over here. One was stepping on a nail, but it still counts.

She said that the date went pretty good... with one exception. They were talking about things that are funny in the workplace, and men and women obviously have different senses of humour because he told her fart jokes. Come on ppl. If it wasn't rule #1 to "Never tell a girl a fart joke on a first date" IT IS NOW. That's horrible! You don't know how she's going to take that. She might laugh and think it's the funniest thing she's ever heard, laugh awkwardly and politely and think you are gross, or she'll wrinkle up her nose and check her watch/phone. The odds are the latter. Fart jokes will inevitably happen in a relationship... but usually after "The first fart." This happens at some point in time, and you can make it awkward, or you can make a joke out of it. The other party has a mutual understanding to laugh at the joke, because they know that THEY could have been the farter. Thus, the relationship is opened up to bodily functions and everyone grows closer together.

Now.... this isn't even the end. I have more.

She went out with a guy, and he became increasingly fidgety and agitated. She saw that his car was being towed, and told him. He didn't want to go over and do anything about it, for a good reason. He was actually ARRESTED ON THE DATE by the police and thrown into the back of a cop car. I forgot to ask how she got home.

The next blind date was with a Mr muscles type of guy that liked boxing. He told her that he was almost mugged earlier that day by a homeless man. He actually beat the guy up, and THREW HIM OFF A BRIDGE. She asked if the guy was ok, and he said that he didn't look. So she copied his photos from his facebook and called crimestoppers.

Next, she was contacted by a guy online that asked her if her or any of her friends needed some housework done? AND IF HE WOULD BE ABLE TO WEAR THEIR CLOTHES WHILE HE CLEANED?

I mean... after all that... a little fart joke isn't that bad, is it?