Thursday, 3 January 2013

It's a sweaty life out there.

When I was little our elementary school had a really scary teacher. His name was Mr. R. (I'd love to use his real name even though he's probably dead and no one would care). He taught grade 6, but had opportunities to terrorise kids from other grades as well. This was the kind of teacher that would have been fired in an instant in today's world, if he tried even one mean trick that he pulled back in the 90's. I'm sure he had good qualities, but I'm grateful that he wasn't my dad.

One of the lies that he told us that if we pulled a fire alarm, it breaks an ink vial that pours UV ink onto our hand. If the fire department uses their black light, they can see who pulled it because the ink glows. It only JUST occurred to me, that this is not true. A lie that transcends 2 decades...

Now that we're all grown up and have condo's and bleep like that, a fire drill might be just what you need to meet cute guys in your building. "She" denies that she pulled the fire alarm, but you never know. There might have been a real fire. mmmph.

His name was "Mr. Pj's." They met in the lobby and discovered that they lived a few doors down from each other. The fire drill was almost an all nighter, in winter, so they abandoned the lobby and went to sit in his car. The problem with an overnight fire drill is that you don't get to see what people wear when they are not supposed to be sleeping. Mr Pj's was wearing pj's. She thought he was kind of attractive, and wanted to meet him in daylight to see what he actually looks like.

Because of his weird work schedule, he ended up going to her condo at 11 ish at night. And he wore pyjamas again? On a real first date, this guy wore pyjamas. And socks with holes in them. And no shoes. Other people might think she was being judgemental and picky, but not me. I also would have been appalled. (I mean, I did just get back from England where the men wore suits so beautiful I would have hand washed them in unicorn tears, but....)


Unless you both come from the same mental institution.

She ended up seeing him a few more times and realised that he did have some other quirks. For their second date he took her to a fast food restaurant. Not very impressive, but what was least impressive was that he wore his workout clothes. That smelled like sweat.

In fact, every single time he met up with her, he wore sweaty smelly workout clothes? They were not clean, they were not washed... it was like he was permanently at the gym. My friend is fairly athletic, so maybe he wore them to impress her, to make it seem like he was more athletic? Pyjamas to work out clothes... but no suits in between.

A note for the faithful men that read this blog... this is how you get a girl to break up with you. Just smell really bad... it does the trick.