Friday, 3 February 2017

Mr. Body Odour

So I noticed Mr. Body Odour on Plenty of Fish and he looked like a nice enough good looking guy. We exchanged quite a few messages, and he seemed really cool and friendly, and witty and nice. We made plans to meet for coffee at a coffee shop where I have had no less than 3 blind dates before. I didn't pick it.

We have a few friends in common, and right before this date one of his friends mentioned that this guy is really opinionated and that he's been single all his life. I was like, "Ok well you're a good friend to look out for him."

And he was like... "No,  I'm looking out for you, I wanted to warn you!"

Ack... red flags. 

So I met him at a coffee shop, and I walked in and he seemed like he pretended not to see me, like he looked away really fast.  He ended up buying me a latte... (whoot, I usually have to pay!) and we sat down and chatted. 

Well, he chatted anyhow. 

I can't say that he talked for the whole 3 hours... but he talked for 95% of the 3 hours. He did ask me a few things about myself, granted. He asked me what I like to do with my spare time, and I said I like to read, travel, hang out, see movies... and he was just staring at me like I said the wrong answers or something and I was like well, I don't know what else to tell you! Then he gave me a LECTURE on how I'm a defensive person and in order to have a conversation he has to ask me questions, and I have to respond to them... that's what a conversation is and I don't need to get defensive. He actually did DIVA hands and turned his body away from me during this lecture. What the Literal  Fuck? What a condescending asshole. 

So I was sitting there, trying to figure this guy out.  He asked me some questions, and interrupted me each time to ONE UP and talk about himself some more. Asked me why I'm not using my college degree. (I had a career before I went to college, I went for fun, not for a good job prospect). Like, I don't know what else to say about this guy. He was good looking BUT. HE. SMELLED. He smelled like hardcore B.O. Why? Did he not shower? Did he come from the gym? Omg why.

He smelled like B.O and he was a 42 year old guy that goes to clubs with 20 somethings to feel young again and hit on women. The best years of my life so far were not spent at Barry T's so I can't relate... haha mine were spent on beaches in thailand and climbing the great wall of china. 

I'm really super sick of going out with douchbags that talk about themselves. And I'm 36, I don't have time to waste waiting to see if a guy calls me. So, after he walks me to my car and talks about himself some more, and he just stands there and stares at me. He says nothing. ? Usually you say, ok see you around, or lets do this again, or drive safe or SOMETHING. But we stand there awkwardly, and since I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT I'm like "Ok, so if you had my phone number would you want to call me?" And Mr. Body Odour tilts his head to the side, winces and goes "um, hmmmmmm..... I don't know.... I'd have to think about it..... ummmmmmm..... well I'd maybe call you as a friend, but nothing else." 

Omg. That there was probably the most insulting thing that has ever happened to me. And one time at the dollar store I got called "Sir."