Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Happy 1st Birthday!


Amazing. A whole year went by from the INSPIRATION FOR THIS BLOG. The bad blind date that made me get in my car, and say out loud, "That was a total waste of makeup." You see when girls get older, makeup costs more. You have to decide to either get botox, or buy the good stuff from Sephora. This is also why so many girls over 30 can't pay their phone bills, but look suspiciously taut. (My phone service is cut off at this very minute). (I'm serious, call me and find out). 

Did you know there is a cream called: "Hope in a Jar?" It's probably made of the inner thigh skin from a baby goat foetus but it's worth every penny. I've turned 25 for 7 years now and no one knows the difference. 

Over the past year I've dished it out about every single crummy guy I've ever had the bad luck to meet... with the exception of two. I'm saving them for a rainy day. 

I relocated to New York City for a semester, but I didn't meet Prince Charming. I met a dirty hippy that spat on me out in Red Hook, countless guys with du rags that were like "Hey.... Momma," a Latino gang member that looked down my shirt on the M train, and a homeless man on a corner out in Bushwick that wore a black puffy jacket every single day and stared at the sun and he wouldn't even take a free Nathan's pizza from me much less my phone number.

I came back to Canada and when a guy in the produce section of my grocery store asked me if I wanted to have coffee (After he saw me smelling my asparagus), I was like.. "You know, I honestly don't have the time for this, no matter how amusing or awkward you might be... I just have too much homework to get done." He kind of just backed away. I saw him later by the milk coolers, and I ran down the bread aisle like a total freak so he wouldn't see me. 

What can I say? If Hope comes in a jar, life can't be all that bad. Even the bible says that "Hope does not disappoint us..." and you can't argue with the apostle Paul. I probably just didn't read the directions on the label...