Catch me if you can...

Catch me if you can guy isn't exactly a blind date, though I certainly felt blindsided after ward.

He was a brother of a good friend of mine, and pretty much always sat with me in church. And said absolutely nothing. At the end of the service, I would stand up, say "How was your week?" and he would say "Fine" and wait for me to move out of his way so he could leave. So one of those socially awkward people that you never really understand.

The thing is... his Dad would always tell me to marry his son. I am convinced that he had some sort of romance in his mind that only existed there, because again... his son almost never spoke to me. The Dad would come up with weird statements like... "You know, He would do anything for you...." Which led me to think that maybe he had some secret crush or something?

So this guy called me up on the phone to ask me to see a movie with him. It was an old Doris Day film, whom I love, btw, and it was playing at a museum. So I agreed to go, and was wondering if he would like, make a declaration of un-dying love since his Dad was so eager to marry us.

I arrive at the museum, park my car, and start walking to the entrance. The guy is walking towards me, and I'm thinking "How nice, he saw me drive up and came to meet me!" No. He passes me, and says "I'm going to my car." No other explanation. So I go in and wait for him inside, not sure why he went to his car. He comes back like, 10 minutes later and has a bottle of water in his hand. One bottle. Then he says "Did you get your ticket? They only take cash, so I hope you have cash. (rudely, I might add)" Buddy. I was waiting for you to get back so I could see if you bought your date a ticket. Like a normal person would. It was only $3. You couldn't spring for $3?

I paste a smile on my face and go get my ticket.

We walk in together in silence.

The whole auditorium is a sea of silver and grey.

Everyone is a senior citizen.

Except us.

We sit down, and.... HE PULLS A MAGAZINE OUT OF HIS POCKET. He proceeds to read the magazine in SILENCE until the movie starts. Then... more silence.

The movie was ok, I don't remember which one it was but I remember some slapstick suspenders scene that made me laugh out loud.

Movie over.

We stand up in silence.

We walk out in silence.

Parking lot.

This guy just veers off and walks to his car. No goodbye. No I'll see you later. No I'll walk you to your car. I'll just walk to my car and say nothing. He actually left me speechless, standing in the middle of the parking lot... dumbfounded. Did that really just happen?

Did it? Did this guy call me, invite me to a movie and PRETEND I WASN'T EVEN THERE?

It did. The next day I was explaining this weird date to my friend, and she stops me and says "That sounds like my brother, was it my brother?" Yeah.

I don't get it. But, I will tell you that the Dad gave up, and I hope he felt really bad that he tried to play us, and me in particular.

This guy also gave me "Catch Me if You Can" the movie, for my birthday one year. I was wondering if that was a subliminal message and wanted to counter offer with "Gone with the Wind" or maybe, "Get Smart." But again, I have a horrible birthday every single year. That was the year that he yelled out in front of all my friends that I was the stupidest person that he'd ever met. I went home and cried later.

The year before, he gave me a birthday card that said "I'm so glad we are lovers."

The funniest thing about this is that I ended up making this guy's wedding cake. One of the most ugliest requests I have ever had... and they didn't tip me! I made it for cost, and they shorted me. Ha ha ha.... I even had to hire someone to work for me for the day so I could deliver it... that's $80 I'll never see!

#36, Part Two. More shenanigans.

Sometimes you can't tell a book by it's cover.

Sometimes it's hard to tell what a guy is all about the first time you meet them. So, giving a guy a second chance to make a first impression doesn't seem that crazy. But, trust me you should listen to your gut.

I decided to meet "The Boy Who Wouldn't Leave" for a movie. He kept asking me out over and over again, so I figured that a movie would be harmless. And, seeing a dollar movie is even better because a guy doesn't have to pretend he has money, it's only a dollar.

My first clue that this was not going to be a love match was when he didn't want to see any of the movies I wanted to see. To be fair, I can be very picky about the movies that I like and don't like. I don't like movies with talking animals, political movies, ghost or alien movies, or movies with Nicolas Cage, Matthew McConaughey, J-lo or movies where the main character dies. I like all the rest, I swear.

We decided to see "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs". And since I love food it seemed a win-win.

So this guy shows up so late, there are only a few minutes before the movie starts. I don't like to waste time and I wanted to see a movie so I got in line for a ticket anyways. What the heck. Right before it was my turn, he runs in and finds me in line. I was just stepping up to the counter so I said "Two please". Out of the corner of my eye I could see no movement. Quite a few seconds go by... and I realize he wasn't taking out his wallet! Yeah, I think this guy EXPECTED ME TO BUY HIS TICKET! I was kind of stunned because it was ONLY A DOLLAR. I look up at him and say "Do you really think that I'm paying for your ticket here? It's only a dollar". He sheepishly sticks his hand into his pocket and pulls out a handful of NICKLES and PENNIES and plunks it into my open hand. Omg. I just distastefully let all that change slide into my open handbag and grab the tickets and think "Oh Lord, let this get better".

Note--- I actually LOVE paying for people. All the time. I love buying gifts, and giving gifts, and hiding money in your pocket when you aren't looking. But there is serious decorum that you need to pay attention to on a date. This is not cool.

So we sit down in the theatre and exchange "hows it goings" and all that jazz. That's where the conversation ends. Even before the previews start. This was a first for me. I asked him a few serious questions, a few silly questions, trying to make conversation...... it was a huge bomb.

As we are watching the movie I notice that he doesn't laugh at the funny parts, where the whole theatre is laughing, and he is laughing at parts that no one thinks is funny. This to me, was the funniest part of the whole date. I almost peed my pants.

As we were leaving the theatre, I remembered why I agreed to go out with him in the first place... I wanted ask him for help to take a couch to goodwill. Needless to say.... more than a year later that couch is still in my basement. He kept asking me out again after that, and I don't get it? No rapport means we really can't even be friends, right? Meh.

The only thing that come to mind about this is "if he looks like a redneck, he might just be a redneck". Always trust your gut. Never date a man with a mustache...