A German Breakfast in France.

Oh my gosh. So I went to France.

The thing about France is that EVERYTHING is a tourist attraction. Moulin Rouge, the Louvre, Eiffel Tower... crawling with people. Everywhere you go you can't really get a moments peace and enjoy yourself unless.... you get up at 5 am in order to get there before everyone else does. I tried this. I'm not a morning person by any means but I did it. Woke up at 5, and was downstairs for breakfast by 6.

The man that served breakfast in my hostel was really creepy. And really French. He would watch you to make sure you only took one croissant and one day he frowned at me taking 2 sugar cubes and on my 6 am early day he saw me coming and REMOVED the sugar before I could take one. Then he pretended he didn't know English when I was like, Dude I can't drink this tea without sugar.

So this random German guy offered to share his honey. I usually don't accept food from strangers but since he was using it I thought it was probably ok. And part of travelling is getting out of your comfort zone and eating mysterious honey and talking to strangers at 6 am is definitely out of my comfort zone.

So I asked this guy why he was up at 6am and he said he hadn't been to bed yet, because they were at the club all night and then drank "many bottles of wine" outside on the sidewalk. His English (for a drunk guy) was actually really good, and he was actually really good looking. Tall, blond, beardy, strapping German lad. All he was missing was the Laederhosen! They don't make guys like that in Canada... and if they do they're in the woods somewhere because I can't find them.

So my new German friend invited me to his room to drink "bottles of wine" with his friends. Hell no. I was like "Oh, sorry I'm meeting my friend, I'm going to Versailles today!" I mean... it's 6am. Do you really think I have time to become a statistic and miss my grand tour of Europe because I'm skinned alive in a creepy hostel in france? Actually... it was a really nice design hostel.

So instead my new German friend invited me to come to Germany! "You must come to Germany and stay at my house and we will go to nightclubs! Germany has the best clubs and we will dance!" He gave me his phone number in Berlin... his address... he told me which train to take and all that jazz. I was kind of regretting putting makeup on.

(This is the best part.)

Then he made a sandwich and beat boxed for me. When I say that he "beat boxed" what I mean is that he said "boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants" over and over again... while doing a rave dance shuffle and eating a sandwich.

And I never saw him again...

#36, Part Two. More shenanigans.

Sometimes you can't tell a book by it's cover.

Sometimes it's hard to tell what a guy is all about the first time you meet them. So, giving a guy a second chance to make a first impression doesn't seem that crazy. But, trust me you should listen to your gut.

I decided to meet "The Boy Who Wouldn't Leave" for a movie. He kept asking me out over and over again, so I figured that a movie would be harmless. And, seeing a dollar movie is even better because a guy doesn't have to pretend he has money, it's only a dollar.

My first clue that this was not going to be a love match was when he didn't want to see any of the movies I wanted to see. To be fair, I can be very picky about the movies that I like and don't like. I don't like movies with talking animals, political movies, ghost or alien movies, or movies with Nicolas Cage, Matthew McConaughey, J-lo or movies where the main character dies. I like all the rest, I swear.

We decided to see "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs". And since I love food it seemed a win-win.

So this guy shows up so late, there are only a few minutes before the movie starts. I don't like to waste time and I wanted to see a movie so I got in line for a ticket anyways. What the heck. Right before it was my turn, he runs in and finds me in line. I was just stepping up to the counter so I said "Two please". Out of the corner of my eye I could see no movement. Quite a few seconds go by... and I realize he wasn't taking out his wallet! Yeah, I think this guy EXPECTED ME TO BUY HIS TICKET! I was kind of stunned because it was ONLY A DOLLAR. I look up at him and say "Do you really think that I'm paying for your ticket here? It's only a dollar". He sheepishly sticks his hand into his pocket and pulls out a handful of NICKLES and PENNIES and plunks it into my open hand. Omg. I just distastefully let all that change slide into my open handbag and grab the tickets and think "Oh Lord, let this get better".

Note--- I actually LOVE paying for people. All the time. I love buying gifts, and giving gifts, and hiding money in your pocket when you aren't looking. But there is serious decorum that you need to pay attention to on a date. This is not cool.

So we sit down in the theatre and exchange "hows it goings" and all that jazz. That's where the conversation ends. Even before the previews start. This was a first for me. I asked him a few serious questions, a few silly questions, trying to make conversation...... it was a huge bomb.

As we are watching the movie I notice that he doesn't laugh at the funny parts, where the whole theatre is laughing, and he is laughing at parts that no one thinks is funny. This to me, was the funniest part of the whole date. I almost peed my pants.

As we were leaving the theatre, I remembered why I agreed to go out with him in the first place... I wanted ask him for help to take a couch to goodwill. Needless to say.... more than a year later that couch is still in my basement. He kept asking me out again after that, and I don't get it? No rapport means we really can't even be friends, right? Meh.

The only thing that come to mind about this is "if he looks like a redneck, he might just be a redneck". Always trust your gut. Never date a man with a mustache...