Not a waste of makeup.

Gah, I totally had the worlds greatest post typed out and saved in here for a rainy day and IT'S GONE. No matter, I have the brain of a velociraptor.

This bad date was not blind, but by the end I wanted to scrape my own eyes out so it counts as a bad blind date. It was with a guy friend, that yes... I was attracted to and yes... we did hang out quite a bit. But he wasn't really my type. The main thing was that he had tattoo's. And not gross ones neither...

like:
the guy I dated that had a DQ (Dairy Queen) tattoo on his thigh. Ok, he had shorts on. Don't be gross.
The guy with barbed wire around his arm. Srsly? It only looked good on Pamela for like, 20 minutes. Then we all realized it was crooked and she was kind of over the top.... I mean, a bad actress.
And the one to take the cake... the guy who had a cartoon Jesus boxing with a cartoon devil on his calf.... no joke friends, this is real. And Scary. Who wants to wake up to THAT every day? Shudder.

But I digress.

So I had some mall errands to do, so my cute friend came to the mall with me. Oh yes, must mention that he had full sleeves, his stomach done, as well as the back of both calves... minus Jesus. Just in case you were wondering. He got some done in Thailand, which I thought was pretty cool, because I have been there a few times. I think I've been to the Bangkok airport more times than the one in my own city.

Focus.

Mall errands. So we are walking around, and he asks me what I think of his clothes. I cannot tell a lie so I William Tell him that rags are not becoming, and neither is Ed Hardy. Unless we build a time machine and go back to 2008. So what do we do? Spend 6 hours buying him new clothes! By the end of it I was sooooo tired.... my feet were dragging so we went to grab dinner. Now this is where it gets weird. I guess that shopping, is code for "Hey, I'm going to move it to the next level." He tried to hold my hand across the table? Buddy we're NOT DATING. You can't molest my hand unless there's some sort of commitment there, at least more than a 6 hour shopping trip. (And you got all the clothes, you should be content). By the way, sweaty palms are the worst, fill your pockets with baby powder or invest in some skin colored flesh gloves so no one will know. So instead of grabbing my hand back and yelling cooties, I fake sneezed, and then needed my hand back to fake blow my nose and kept them in my lap for the rest of the night. Later on he started asking me about what celebrities I thought were attractive, and what I like in a guy, all that jazz. So, because he's staring at me with Disney Eyes across the table I don't want to tell him my top 10 must haves! Bad idea. Once you tell all your business all over the place you can't really trust that people are who they are supposed to be. I was 78% sure that this was not the guy for me, so I kept my mouth shut and wouldn't answer him. But he kept pestering me! Every second sentence was either "Tell me what you like in a guy" or "Why won't you tell me?" Sigh. I had to work really really hard to put my patience face on which almost never makes an appearance and ride it out. Thankfully he had ordered a burger, so I figured that I'd get at least 5 minutes of peace. Well, he likes to TALK WITH HIS MOUTH FULL. The worst was when he started texting me "Why won't you tell me? Tell me!" right there at the table. I just put it on silent and put it into my purse and gave him the stink eye. Then he went to the bathroom, and texted me from the bathroom "Ok, he's gone... now can you tell me?" For serious. I was so glad that I met him at the mall and didn't have to drive home with him.

I don't know, maybe it IS a good idea to let people know that they are not your type from the get go? No amount of tattoo's in his case was going to make a difference. At least one man was liberated from the cult of Ed Hardy, so it wasn't a waste of makeup after all.

Guest Blog #3. Pretty Woman.

This arrived in my inbox and I got shivers up my spine. 


My bad date story starts with a charitable notion. I was asked to pose for the Edmonton Sun for the Ride for Dad which is a charity that raises money for prostate cancer. For the shoot I had to pull off a biker type of look. I went and purchased a skimpy leather outfit, got a spray tan, and had my makeup professionally done. If you know anything about photo shoots, you know that the makeup is not exactly daywear. So I am driving to this photo shoot looking like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman and suddenly two of my tires fly off in opposite directions. What a disaster. That is how I met Prince Charming (or so I thought).

He was an AMA driver. He was also a firefighter (heck yes!!!!!)
He was a Christian to boot. What more could I want? I should mention that he picked me up and rescued me and I totally looked like a street walker so I didn’t have the guts to flirt with him or anything. So I tucked my number into a book in his car and hoped he would find it eventually.

A few days went by and I got a charming text from him. We talked, texted, and emailed for almost 3 months and finally decided to meet up. Things seemed to be going well. We met up for coffee and he was as good looking as I remembered. The chatting was going well. We decided to go for a walk to Rundle Park. We took his truck there and started walking across a romantic bridge when my phone rang. It was odd because it was a blocked call so I decided to answer it. On the other end was a woman asking “are you with _____ ______.” (his name) I told her yes and I could hear a newborn baby crying in the background. She proceeded to tell me that she was his wife and that she got my number because I texted him a few days earlier while she was in the hospital giving birth. I was horrified!! I was apologizing to her and told him he needed to drive me back to my car immediately. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!

The whole ride back to my car he gave me some elaborate story about how she isn’t his wife but some crazy ex who stalks him and does stuff like this all the time. Then he went home and told her that I was a diamond dealer and that he was meeting with me to buy her a diamond to celebrate the birth of their new child and that I played along so that I didn’t ruin the surprise. She stayed with him and I dodged a bullet.


Waste of makeup says: Why can't married guys wear wedding rings? Oh, so they can cheat. I forgot.