This blind date takes place in winter, not surprising because it's mostly winter here in Canada. I mean, we have a few nice days but you have to wear long johns under your bathing suit and put cleats on our tires.
So a long long long time ago when I worked at a video rental store (late 90's) I dated my first and only Ginger. At that time the appearance of a ginger was like a yeti sighting... not an everyday thing. I had originally thought they were mythological creatures much like the Unicorn and the Yak, but when I read the bible it turns out those are both real. The Gingers are real people! I am living proof, because I dated one.
This guy would come in and rent movies a few times a week, and I worked till 1am so I got to meet all the crazies. He would try out a new accent everyday. One day Scottish, the next British, sometimes Indian. Pretty amusing, and I like accents so I thought maybe dating a guy with an accent would be cool. Even though it was fake. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Against my better judgement I let him pick me up after work. At 1am. Can we say "Booty Call?" Wait, Christians don't say that... they say late night coffee. We ended up at Denny's, the romance capital of the night. He was actually interesting, and for a Ginger not bad looking. With all the freckles he almost looked tan, made me think of summer. So this is what he ordered:
Milk Shake.
Coca Cola
Side Caesar salad
Burger
Fries
Pie.
Coffee.
Like this guy must have been really hungry... I had an iced tea. And no, he didn't feel weird about eating in front of someone who is not eating... he ate and ate and ate. He was so little I didn't know where he put it all! He talked with his mouth open. And belched. And... the piece de resistance... he "squished" his cherry pie through his teeth and laughed like a 3 year old. This is where I wanted to go home. I don't date 3 year olds.
His bank card was declined.
He tried it 3 times, and said that he knew for sure that there was money in the account. And then he just looks at me with big blue eyes glowing from the orange of his ginger gingery hair. I only had $5 and I gave it to the server for my iced tea. So he calls his DAD TO BRING HIM MONEY. At 3am!!! And because he was my ride, sigh... I had to stay there with him. He was too embarrassed to wait inside the Denny's, so he made us wait outside in winter. I hate the cold, and I told him I was going to wait inside and I had just gotten to the door when.... he threw a snowball at the back of my head! I turned around and he came at me and grabbed me and threw me in the snow and was laughing all goofy and yelling "Snow Angels!!!!!!!!!!!" Of course I got soaked, and mad because it's at least -30. I just glared at him and went inside to fume and wish for a time machine.
His Dad eventually comes, and yells at him in the Denny's for taking the car, not having money, waking him up, and me. Yes, he yelled at him for taking a "girl of the night" out for dinner. Not the first time I have been confused with working the night shift, and probably not the last. I was wearing my ugly video update shirt though, so I can totally see the confusion. So slutty.
So, he drove me home. Cold and wet and mad. I gave him an address down the block, so he wouldn't know where I lived, and went to the front door and pretended to fiddle with my keys.... he was watching me in the car and waving. He wouldn't leave! So I made some crazy hand motion and went to the back of this strangers house and went in their backyard... and he started honking the horn! Hahahaha... so I ran through their yard to the alley and hid beside some garbage cans in case he drove by. I remember waiting 5 minutes at least... and crept home.
He still came into the video store, but when he came to my till I would make my friend serve him... and after this I got a cell phone and kept an emergency $20 in my purse for cab fare.
Showing posts with label cold. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cold. Show all posts
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
#36 Mr. Surprise.
I met Mr. Surprise online, and we had exchanged emails for a bit... then started to text.
I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS. Once you start texting someone you don't know, you're in a relationship weather you like it or not and if not... they can PHONE YOU any time any day. I'm sure there's an iPhone app for stalkers where they can follow you incognito around the city and sneak up behind you and smell your hair.
My new texting buddy wanted to meet and go for a (chilly) walk in the river valley. At the time it sounded good... cold but good. The weird thing was that he didn't want to meet at a coffee shop or anything like that... it was just on the side of the road on a particular bench downtown. ??? Kind of sketch, and for all I knew some homeless guy would be sleeping on it when I got there. I bundled up and found a parking space and actually put the club on my steering wheel for the first time. Yeah, we got thugs in Canada too. I found the bench and waited, hoping that he could read my mind and bring hot chocolate.
Nope. He brought something else.
A guy wearing jogging pants, fancy red parka, red touque and mitts is walking down the avenue. He stops and says "Hello are you _________?" Well, I'm confused because he has no less than THREE dogs on leashes. This was a dog walking date. I had no idea that such a thing could exist? I didn't even know that he owned dogs? I mean, I don't bring my cat on blind dates. He's pretty vicious though so maybe I should?
I just decided to have a good attitude, and lie about how much I loved dogs. Un-ethical, I know, but dog people get just as offended when you don't like dogs as mothers do when you say you hate babies.
Onward to the magic. He gives me the smallest dog to walk, which was one of those curly white haired ones with all the crusty brown junk crammed under it's eyes. He had the other two, who really just smelled each others junk the whole walk. I actually started to feel bad for my dog, because it didn't get no play. So Mr. Surprise talked about his dogs. For almost the whole date. He didn't just tell me everything about THESE dogs, no, he talked about the dogs he had as a kid, and how they died, and how he buried them and his dad made a tombstone and it was in the backyard, and he went back to his childhood home and peeked in the yard and the tombstone was gone and it was really really hurtful.
Sigh. He ended up getting mad at me a few times. It was winter, like I said. The paths were actually icy in some places, and I slipped and fell twice! My last season Ed Hardy boots had almost no traction, and the first time I got tangled in the leash, (he did NOT help me up) and the second time I almost fell ON THE DOG and he gave me the stink eye. At least he dog-walked me back to my car at the end.
I don't know how many times dogs go to the bathroom on walks, but it was a LOT and if I was interested in Mr. Surprise--- the feces just killed it for me.
Fecal matter is not a joke friends.
After this... he would text me from the dogs, asking me for another walk. Thank God I went to China after this and got my revenge actually eating dog. Did I just write that? I did.
I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS. Once you start texting someone you don't know, you're in a relationship weather you like it or not and if not... they can PHONE YOU any time any day. I'm sure there's an iPhone app for stalkers where they can follow you incognito around the city and sneak up behind you and smell your hair.
My new texting buddy wanted to meet and go for a (chilly) walk in the river valley. At the time it sounded good... cold but good. The weird thing was that he didn't want to meet at a coffee shop or anything like that... it was just on the side of the road on a particular bench downtown. ??? Kind of sketch, and for all I knew some homeless guy would be sleeping on it when I got there. I bundled up and found a parking space and actually put the club on my steering wheel for the first time. Yeah, we got thugs in Canada too. I found the bench and waited, hoping that he could read my mind and bring hot chocolate.
Nope. He brought something else.
A guy wearing jogging pants, fancy red parka, red touque and mitts is walking down the avenue. He stops and says "Hello are you _________?" Well, I'm confused because he has no less than THREE dogs on leashes. This was a dog walking date. I had no idea that such a thing could exist? I didn't even know that he owned dogs? I mean, I don't bring my cat on blind dates. He's pretty vicious though so maybe I should?
I just decided to have a good attitude, and lie about how much I loved dogs. Un-ethical, I know, but dog people get just as offended when you don't like dogs as mothers do when you say you hate babies.
Onward to the magic. He gives me the smallest dog to walk, which was one of those curly white haired ones with all the crusty brown junk crammed under it's eyes. He had the other two, who really just smelled each others junk the whole walk. I actually started to feel bad for my dog, because it didn't get no play. So Mr. Surprise talked about his dogs. For almost the whole date. He didn't just tell me everything about THESE dogs, no, he talked about the dogs he had as a kid, and how they died, and how he buried them and his dad made a tombstone and it was in the backyard, and he went back to his childhood home and peeked in the yard and the tombstone was gone and it was really really hurtful.
Sigh. He ended up getting mad at me a few times. It was winter, like I said. The paths were actually icy in some places, and I slipped and fell twice! My last season Ed Hardy boots had almost no traction, and the first time I got tangled in the leash, (he did NOT help me up) and the second time I almost fell ON THE DOG and he gave me the stink eye. At least he dog-walked me back to my car at the end.
I don't know how many times dogs go to the bathroom on walks, but it was a LOT and if I was interested in Mr. Surprise--- the feces just killed it for me.
Fecal matter is not a joke friends.
After this... he would text me from the dogs, asking me for another walk. Thank God I went to China after this and got my revenge actually eating dog. Did I just write that? I did.
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