Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Ginger... SAY NO!

This blind date takes place in winter, not surprising because it's mostly winter here in Canada. I mean, we have a few nice days but you have to wear long johns under your bathing suit and put cleats on our tires.

So a long long long time ago when I worked at a video rental store (late 90's) I dated my first and only Ginger. At that time the appearance of a ginger was like a yeti sighting... not an everyday thing. I had originally thought they were mythological creatures much like the Unicorn and the Yak, but when I read the bible it turns out those are both real. The Gingers are real people! I am living proof, because I dated one.

This guy would come in and rent movies a few times a week, and I worked till 1am so I got to meet all the crazies. He would try out a new accent everyday. One day Scottish, the next British, sometimes Indian. Pretty amusing, and I like accents so I thought maybe dating a guy with an accent would be cool. Even though it was fake. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Against my better judgement I let him pick me up after work. At 1am. Can we say "Booty Call?" Wait, Christians don't say that... they say late night coffee. We ended up at Denny's, the romance capital of the night. He was actually interesting, and for a Ginger not bad looking. With all the freckles he almost looked tan, made me think of summer. So this is what he ordered:

Milk Shake.
Coca Cola
Side Caesar salad

Like this guy must have been really hungry... I had an iced tea. And no, he didn't feel weird about eating in front of someone who is not eating... he ate and ate and ate. He was so little I didn't know where he put it all! He talked with his mouth open. And belched. And... the piece de resistance... he "squished" his cherry pie through his teeth and laughed like a 3 year old. This is where I wanted to go home. I don't date 3 year olds.

His bank card was declined.

He tried it 3 times, and said that he knew for sure that there was money in the account. And then he just looks at me with big blue eyes glowing from the orange of his ginger gingery hair. I only had $5 and I gave it to the server for my iced tea. So he calls his DAD TO BRING HIM MONEY. At 3am!!! And because he was my ride, sigh... I had to stay there with him. He was too embarrassed to wait inside the Denny's, so he made us wait outside in winter. I hate the cold, and I told him I was going to wait inside and I had just gotten to the door when.... he threw a snowball at the back of my head! I turned around and he came at me and grabbed me and threw me in the snow and was laughing all goofy and yelling "Snow Angels!!!!!!!!!!!" Of course I got soaked, and mad because it's at least -30. I just glared at him and went inside to fume and wish for a time machine.

His Dad eventually comes, and yells at him in the Denny's for taking the car, not having money, waking him up, and me. Yes, he yelled at him for taking a "girl of the night" out for dinner. Not the first time I have been confused with working the night shift, and probably not the last. I was wearing my ugly video update shirt though, so I can totally see the confusion. So slutty.

So, he drove me home. Cold and wet and mad. I gave him an address down the block, so he wouldn't know where I lived, and went to the front door and pretended to fiddle with my keys.... he was watching me in the car and waving. He wouldn't leave! So I made some crazy hand motion and went to the back of this strangers house and went in their backyard... and he started honking the horn! Hahahaha... so I ran through their yard to the alley and hid beside some garbage cans in case he drove by. I remember waiting 5 minutes at least... and crept home.

He still came into the video store, but when he came to my till I would make my friend serve him... and after this I got a cell phone and kept an emergency $20 in my purse for cab fare.