Bowl-a-rama! Guest Blog.

A friend just told me about a weird blind date that she had... So, yes. I am telling this story without permission, but it brings up two important dating topics.

1.) Touching someone elses food
2.) Being a Spaz.

I was highly entertained while she told me, but I was also surprised. While I will end up paying for a bill on a date while seething inwardly, she will just sit there and not make a move. Wow. That's determination. I've never thought about just sitting there and waiting... staring pointedly at the cheque. I'm usually so eager to get away and leave I'd rather just pay and get the hell out.

I'm so glad that I'm not the only person who gets put off by a little inconsequential thing. I've broken up with a guy for hugging me, giving me flowers, having large gums, dirty fingernails, laughing like a hyena... the list goes on. Sometimes I don't know if I am over-reacting, or if it's legit to dump a guy for having the most annoying laugh in the world? Could you live with a hyena?

Back to my friend... she went for Vietnamese food with her blind date. She's never had it before. She comes from Small Town Alberta. In Small Town Alberta people eat pyrogies. All the food you are raised on is actually the same colour as your plate. Chicken, rice, potatoes, perogies.. cabbage rolls... yup. Simple food. In Small Town Alberta there is the WORLDS LARGEST PYSANKA EGG. There are thousand pound pumpkin growing competitions. Alien landing pads, worlds largest pinto bean, chuckwagon,  tee-pee, moose, Star Trek spaceship, and my favourite is in my own town. The worlds largest baseball bat. People lose their licenses to a DUI... no prob. They just drive their tractor around instead. This is the land I come from. So even though there is usually a token Chinese food restaurant in Small Town Alberta... it's not real Chinese food if hamburgers are on the menu.

They ordered food, and since she has never eaten it before she just asked for "what he's having." Pretty safe to do, if it isn't going to kill him, it probably won't kill her either. When the food came, he must have been really hungry because he shovelled everything in sight into his mouth. She said that he was reaching across the table and taking food off her plate? Is that allowed? I've heard of "family style" before but shouldn't you be actually related to do that?

Afterwards he thought the date was going good.. (she did not, since his grubby fingers stole her dinner) and they went bowling.

Bowling is a fun date thing to do. I usually don't like to go bowling on a first date because I always think that my date is looking at my ass while I bowl. I know this because I am obviously staring at... OK well... lets not admit this on the Internets. Same reason I can't watch figure skating on T.V. Anyhow, my friend must not be as paranoid as I am since she donned those red and blue striped shoes.

This is the part I love the most.

She decided not to date him again because he HIGH FIVED HER AFTER EACH PIN THAT SHE KNOCKED DOWN. Can you imagine? A high five for each pin? I am a pretty crappy bowler, sometimes I only get 30 points, and on a good day I can get 70 but I get worse with each throw. I just tell people I have carpel tunnel syndrome and everyone feels sorry for me. My friend is fairly athletic, so I estimate she bowled at least 150-200. That's got to be at least 40 high fives? I kind of wish I could have watched this date on T.V. I can't imagine dating a spazzy bowler guy... he's still out there so I might get my wish.

Which is worse:

a.) Dirty hands all over your food?
b.) Wearing bowling shoes?
c.) Having rug burn on your hands?
d.) All of the above?

Guest BLOG # 4. Frumpy Brother and his Fancy Squash Court.

Guest Blog! Send submissions to mybadblinddate@gmail.com 

My blind date was set up by my rock climbing instructor for a group class. The instructor was good looking, friendly, a Christian, and therefore obviously happily married. I had thought to ask if he had a brother, but couldn't bring myself to be so bold. It may have been taken as a sideways approach to asking if there was any hope we might one day be related. It came as quite a shock then when he came up to me at the end of the classes and (awkwardly) asked if I would ever consider going out with his brother. Sign from God? I think so! It must have been FATE. Right? The setter upper did warn me that "He is not me..." which I laughed off with an "Obviously!". But how could someone related to the outdoorsy, active, outgoing, humorous setter upper be all that bad. Right?

Setter uppers always play on the highlights: he's a dentist, owns his own place, is actively involved in church and plays in the church band (points all round). So I agreed to exchanging e-mails. We wrote a few times and made plans to meet for coffee. 

Crisis: What do you wear when you are going to meet a dentist for coffee? Are there higher standards based on occupation? I didn't want to be too overdone, but still somewhat put together to look "nice". I also made sure that I brushed my teeth an extra time or 2...

I went in to our prearranged locale nervous with butterflies. They were quickly crushed under the rock of realization that this man had not had the same "What should I wear" crisis as I had. We did the whole, Hi, are you blah blah blee? and the confirmation of who is who. In the short time it took for introductions, I was like, 'Dang, this guy really didn't put much effort into this situation. I bet he's not even really a dentist. If he is, business mustn't be going very well...'

He wore an old sweatshirt that had his University logo on it (I don't like those), probably from when he was a first year student in the 15 year dentistry program. I think he was wearing sweatpants too? Maybe they were poor fitting jeans, anywho, not that important. He was a little on the husky side and the sweatshirt did nothing to flatter that fact. He just looked frumpy, like he'd rolled off the couch and come to meet some girl. 

Ok, ok, get over it. Let's get to know this guy, clothes can be remedied. Super sweet guy, a little awkward but I don't mind making conversation with strangers. It's actually kind of fun to find things in common with people as well as find out what makes them unique. So he's a dentist, I work in healthcare. I try to get people to talk about what interests them because you can find out more about them than they realize. :) So his topic of choice was dentistry. Dental surgery, dental school, the difficulties of running a practice, dental procedures in great depth and detail, too much depth and too much detail. Because I'm polite and have an understanding of medical procedures, I let it continue. So. Boring. 

There was a bit of conversation about family and travel. Then back to dental discussions: bridges, grafts, specialized training courses, patient cases where teeth would not stay in no matter what. He noticed my teeth and commented on them (fortunately he found them to his satisfaction, phewf!). 

He did own his own place. He also had a renter that kind of sounded like someone who bummed around. I could just picture the 3 of us hanging out in our university sweats, eating greasy food, and watching sports in a dark basement. Awesome. By the end I just didn't want to hear anymore teeth or dentally words. Overall the date wasn't terrible, just overwhelmingly one sided.

We met up again because I figured I'd give the guy another chance to see if anything more interesting came up in conversation. We went to play squash and I got to use the "elite" ladies locker room as his guest. Now if that doesn't tempt a girl to take the dentist and run, I don't know what will. It was pretty impressive: private saunas, a full countertop of beauty products and hair styling supplies, giant mirrors and lights, lounge areas. After the game, he asked if we could go for coffee. However, me being the little student that I was, just planned to play and head home, not have a romantic date situation. I didn't bring extra anythings to change into, or a towel (there may have been some there but that fact only dawned on me now as I type this many years later... I blame naivety). So off we went, him all shiny, clean, and fresh. Me - all none of those things. I was totally embarrassed. 

Conversation was more varied this time but still ultra dull and he kept mentioning a dental assistant that went on a medical outreach he went on. I thought, well maybe you should ask her out. She'll have a lot more interest in the procedure stories... I went home that night thinking, "that was so boring!!!" No dice. I ended it via e-mail because that was his most frequently used form of communication. 

On a side note, I went to the same university that he had been at (maybe that was the reason for the sweater, proof of his cool hipness). On the way to one of my classes I walked past a set of grad photos. I stopped to look - dentistry program. Found his face. It watched me as I walked past for the rest of the semester. 

Waste of Makeup says: "I told you NOT TO DATE THE DENTIST!" 

And, on second thought... I probably would have punched the brother in the leg and given him a charley horse as payback. 

Guest Blog #1 Scrappy date.

Happy Monday, I get to share my first guest blog with you!

"First off, love love love your blog! A friend of mine sent it to me and I nearly died laughing". 

YESSSS! I love being the object of everyone's laughter!!!! 

"Back when I was in university I met a boy at the local pub. After many rounds of beer pong we exchanged numbers. Fast forward a few days and he is at my house picking me up for my date. I had been told the activity for the date was going to be a "surprise". I was already mildly annoyed by this response (how does one dress for a "surprise"). As I climb into his truck I notice a few pieces of scrap metal in the back. He obviously saw my quizzical look and responded, "Ya, on Saturday afternoons I drive around town looking for scrap metal people leave by the curb, I thought it'd be fun to bring a date along this time." Now, I am not passing judgement for collecting scrap metal, but it hardly constitutes as a passable first date activity. For four hours we drove around, making frequent stops. During one particular stop he yelled at me for "making him lift all the heavy stuff". The date was concluded with a stop to the scrap metal yard so he could collect money for all the crap we had been scrounging for all day.

 

He didn't even offer to take me out for a beer with the money he pocketed, just dropped me off home and asked when we could hang out next". 

a.) What the?

b.) Scrap Metal?

c.) 4 hours of driving and awkward conversation and you can't even leave?

d.) He should lift all the heavy stuff. How else can he impress you?

e.) Oh wait, collecting scrap metal. That's how.

f.) If you leave out scraps..... he will come. 

I don't claim to be 100% telepathic, but I read your mind and got this picture...