Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Bowl-a-rama! Guest Blog.

A friend just told me about a weird blind date that she had... So, yes. I am telling this story without permission, but it brings up two important dating topics.

1.) Touching someone elses food
2.) Being a Spaz.

I was highly entertained while she told me, but I was also surprised. While I will end up paying for a bill on a date while seething inwardly, she will just sit there and not make a move. Wow. That's determination. I've never thought about just sitting there and waiting... staring pointedly at the cheque. I'm usually so eager to get away and leave I'd rather just pay and get the hell out.

I'm so glad that I'm not the only person who gets put off by a little inconsequential thing. I've broken up with a guy for hugging me, giving me flowers, having large gums, dirty fingernails, laughing like a hyena... the list goes on. Sometimes I don't know if I am over-reacting, or if it's legit to dump a guy for having the most annoying laugh in the world? Could you live with a hyena?

Back to my friend... she went for Vietnamese food with her blind date. She's never had it before. She comes from Small Town Alberta. In Small Town Alberta people eat pyrogies. All the food you are raised on is actually the same colour as your plate. Chicken, rice, potatoes, perogies.. cabbage rolls... yup. Simple food. In Small Town Alberta there is the WORLDS LARGEST PYSANKA EGG. There are thousand pound pumpkin growing competitions. Alien landing pads, worlds largest pinto bean, chuckwagon,  tee-pee, moose, Star Trek spaceship, and my favourite is in my own town. The worlds largest baseball bat. People lose their licenses to a DUI... no prob. They just drive their tractor around instead. This is the land I come from. So even though there is usually a token Chinese food restaurant in Small Town Alberta... it's not real Chinese food if hamburgers are on the menu.

They ordered food, and since she has never eaten it before she just asked for "what he's having." Pretty safe to do, if it isn't going to kill him, it probably won't kill her either. When the food came, he must have been really hungry because he shovelled everything in sight into his mouth. She said that he was reaching across the table and taking food off her plate? Is that allowed? I've heard of "family style" before but shouldn't you be actually related to do that?

Afterwards he thought the date was going good.. (she did not, since his grubby fingers stole her dinner) and they went bowling.

Bowling is a fun date thing to do. I usually don't like to go bowling on a first date because I always think that my date is looking at my ass while I bowl. I know this because I am obviously staring at... OK well... lets not admit this on the Internets. Same reason I can't watch figure skating on T.V. Anyhow, my friend must not be as paranoid as I am since she donned those red and blue striped shoes.

This is the part I love the most.

She decided not to date him again because he HIGH FIVED HER AFTER EACH PIN THAT SHE KNOCKED DOWN. Can you imagine? A high five for each pin? I am a pretty crappy bowler, sometimes I only get 30 points, and on a good day I can get 70 but I get worse with each throw. I just tell people I have carpel tunnel syndrome and everyone feels sorry for me. My friend is fairly athletic, so I estimate she bowled at least 150-200. That's got to be at least 40 high fives? I kind of wish I could have watched this date on T.V. I can't imagine dating a spazzy bowler guy... he's still out there so I might get my wish.

Which is worse:

a.) Dirty hands all over your food?
b.) Wearing bowling shoes?
c.) Having rug burn on your hands?
d.) All of the above?