A German Breakfast in France.

Oh my gosh. So I went to France.

The thing about France is that EVERYTHING is a tourist attraction. Moulin Rouge, the Louvre, Eiffel Tower... crawling with people. Everywhere you go you can't really get a moments peace and enjoy yourself unless.... you get up at 5 am in order to get there before everyone else does. I tried this. I'm not a morning person by any means but I did it. Woke up at 5, and was downstairs for breakfast by 6.

The man that served breakfast in my hostel was really creepy. And really French. He would watch you to make sure you only took one croissant and one day he frowned at me taking 2 sugar cubes and on my 6 am early day he saw me coming and REMOVED the sugar before I could take one. Then he pretended he didn't know English when I was like, Dude I can't drink this tea without sugar.

So this random German guy offered to share his honey. I usually don't accept food from strangers but since he was using it I thought it was probably ok. And part of travelling is getting out of your comfort zone and eating mysterious honey and talking to strangers at 6 am is definitely out of my comfort zone.

So I asked this guy why he was up at 6am and he said he hadn't been to bed yet, because they were at the club all night and then drank "many bottles of wine" outside on the sidewalk. His English (for a drunk guy) was actually really good, and he was actually really good looking. Tall, blond, beardy, strapping German lad. All he was missing was the Laederhosen! They don't make guys like that in Canada... and if they do they're in the woods somewhere because I can't find them.

So my new German friend invited me to his room to drink "bottles of wine" with his friends. Hell no. I was like "Oh, sorry I'm meeting my friend, I'm going to Versailles today!" I mean... it's 6am. Do you really think I have time to become a statistic and miss my grand tour of Europe because I'm skinned alive in a creepy hostel in france? Actually... it was a really nice design hostel.

So instead my new German friend invited me to come to Germany! "You must come to Germany and stay at my house and we will go to nightclubs! Germany has the best clubs and we will dance!" He gave me his phone number in Berlin... his address... he told me which train to take and all that jazz. I was kind of regretting putting makeup on.

(This is the best part.)

Then he made a sandwich and beat boxed for me. When I say that he "beat boxed" what I mean is that he said "boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants" over and over again... while doing a rave dance shuffle and eating a sandwich.

And I never saw him again...

Mr. Naked

I call this guy "Mr. Naked" because it seemed like he had a really hard time keeping his clothes on. I re-iterate again, that I only date Christian guys, and I seem to meet all the freaky weird Christians somehow.

I met this guy online, he was decent looking, brown hair, glasses, but not nerdy. He was pretty buff actually. He wanted to meet at this tea place downtown which I hate, because there is no parking nearby. And, I also hate tea. Whatever. I got to the tea place and had to park 3 blocks away, but this is sometimes a good thing. If you accidentally meet a psycho instead of a normal date, having your car far is good. They can't memorize your license plate and STALK YOU. But, they might follow you to your car and slice your throat in a back alley... hmm... ok it's a toss up. Take a cab.

Anyhow, he looked just like his pictures, not too bad. This guy was like a total tea nerd/snob. He smells them all before he makes his decision, sneering his nose at chamomile and mint, and going for something "more earthy." It all looks like dirty twigs and leaves to me anyhow. This was the type of tea place that only serves tea. No coffee. No hot chocolate. No smoothies. No juice. No bottled water. No glasses of water. So, for me.... I really couldn't have anything. I asked for just a plain glass of hot water, and they said no. They made me buy a tea bag, to get a cup of hot water. Even when I explained that I don't like tea, and I didn't want to make my date uncomfortable by being the only one drinking. Did you catch when I said "I bought a tea bag?" Yup. Another cheapskate.

During our conversations I found out that he worked with computers, lived in a loft, and was German. He went to church, rode a bike... etc. One interesting thing he mentioned that since he was German, he was allowed to drink as much beer as he wanted, even though he went to church on Sundays. He's right, people CAN drink as much as they want, when they want. It's just not necessarily very Godly behaviour. Are we still good here? I'm not judging you, do what you want. I mean, I'm part Ukrainian, so I can eat as much perogies as I want right? And, I'm part Scottish so I can play the bagpipes whenever the hell I want to right? Good, I'm glad we got that straight.

Where this date went wrong:

He mentioned that he has a lot of tattoos. And, he showed them to me. He took his shirt right off, in the middle of the tea place, and showed me his sweaty German torso. Ok. Then, he TOOK HIS PANTS OFF. Yes, he had other tattoo's that he wanted to show me. The most memorable out of them all, was on his calf he had a tattoo of a cartoon Jesus, boxing with a cartoon Devil.... and winning. It was so bizarre.

I remember nothing more after this, except that we left and he kept chatting with me outside the place, even though it was freezing out.

Yeah, I didn't call him again.