Monday, 5 December 2011

Don't Date the Dentist.

For some reason every doctor that I know is a terrible dresser. Except for my dermatologist, who is actually really creepy. The last time I was in he straddled me and tried to see what I was texting my friend. Even before he said hello, he got all up in my grill. Stresses me out.

I met this guy online and he seemed nice, looked nice... all that jazz. I rememeber that he was serioius about his faith, which is a major requirement for me. We emailed quite a bit before we met up. I learned that he lived at home still, with his parents and sister. He was a total trekkie. I mean, I do like Star Trek. I travelled to Vulcan Alberta to see the big ship and soak up some small town greatness. I have been known to watch the whole series of TNG in a week while I am at home working. One of the greatest things about me is that I dressed up like a character in Junior High on Halloween. (Also, NOT on Halloween). But one thing that differs someone who likes the show from someone who is obsessive about the show... he had all the titles of the episodes and numbers memorized. Probably the most disturbing thing I learned was that he also had all the seasons of "Little House on the Prairie." That's a little weird. For a GUY. Not a GRANDMA who files her vhs next to her Gaither vids.

So I met the Dentist at the Second cup on Whyte Ave. One of my friends met a guy there once, and they got married, so I figured it was a good place to meet. Better my chances, you know. Well. He was shorter than he said.... either that or he was all legs because when he sat down he was shorter than me. I remember that his hair was perfectly coiffed into a very big man puff. I dont' know why he did his hair like this, because I saw pics of him on FB and he had potential to have better hair.

He seemed like a nice guy, I remember having a good time. I don't know that anything he said put me off, or anything. What put me off was that he was really huggy. I don't like that. You are a stranger, the last thing I want to do is rub my breasts all over you. Aside from that, I just don't remember it being a love match, you know? You know when you have that rapport with someone and it's hard to stop talking? When you have things in common, and it gets to be so late at night that you get kicked out of the coffee shop and stand outside shivering (Hello it's CANADA, we ALWAYS shiver) and you never want to say goodbye? This wasn't one of those times.

He really wanted to show me his car. He insisted upon driving me in his car, to my car. I was like... um... I don't really need to be driven to my car, but he had just bought it and wanted to show it off I think. So I let this guy drive me to my car. I distinctly remember him telling me that his car was like Star Trek. And he gave me a birthday card, seeing as it was my B-day in a couple of days. It was a Star Trek B-day card. No joke. It played music and Spock wished me a Happy Birthday.

He asked me out to see some sort of white nights light thing. I don't know exactly what it was, except it had something to do with lights. We made plans to meet up in the New Year to do this. So... a couple of nights later I had another birthday. I usually have a really horrible Birthday every single year. One year a guy broke up with me on my Birthday with my whole family listening in the next room. Another year a guy I had a crush on told me I was the stupidest person he's ever met at my party, in front of all my friends. To get technical.. he yelled it across the room. He gave me a copy of "Catch me if you can" as a present, and I was like... um, no thanks.

So The Dentist calls me at 11pm at night on my birthday. He tells me that he got me a gift, and that I HAD to meet him ASAP so that he could give it to me. ??? I am in my jammies. I am laying on the couch watching "Gone with the Wind" like I do every single Dec 28th. I have bad hair and no clean clothes. Plus, it's like -30 degree's out. I really did not want to meet this guy, but I felt like I HAD to. I tried to make myself look presentable, and met him at a coffee shop. He ran up to me and hugged me, like usual... lol. Shudder.


Come on, you met me for a date and you're wearing crusty green pajammas covered in plaque?

So, the gift that he gives me..... flowers.

Flowers could not wait until the morning? You already gave me a Star Trek Birthday card, flowers are too much.... lol. My opinions on flowers are that they are welcome, just not at midnight on my birthday when it's cold out and I'm in my pjammas. Flowers show that you did put time and thought into it, and they wern't carnations either. Carnations are the most obnoxious thing you can give to a girl. They are only for grammas and funerals. It's actually really insulting to recieve carnations. They say "I'm just cheap enough to give you the cheapest flower in existance." Seriously guys... don't do it. Spend the extra $5 and get something else... anything else. It's better to give nothing at all than carnations.

So at the end of the impromptu date he walked me to my car. I got in and turned the ignition on and actually yelled, "I never want to see that guy again!!!!!!!" Breakthrough. My subconsious didn't like him either.

Problem was... we had that date planned. I wanted to send an email SO BADLY, but I knew that was the wrong thign to do. We played phone tag, and when I finally got him on the line he sounded so happy to hear from me I didn't know what to say. So I just said "Yeahhhhhhhh.... I'm not really feeling it........" and he said "Thank you, have a good night!" Akward. I've never been thanked for dumping someone before.

I still have that Star Trek Birthday Card.

Live long and prosper.