Monday, 26 September 2011

#40. The guy who rides a bike.

This was actually a fun bad blind date. I met this guy online and he seemed kind of cool so after a few emails we decided to meet for coffee. And I don't even like coffee. So we met at one of those trendy hipster places where things are organic, and vegan, and middle-eastern with dirty couches spaced around the room. Everyone is wearing Tom's Shoes and a beanie or high waisted pants with frizzy librarian hair.

So this was one guy that actually did look like his profile picture. Bonus. A tiny bit chubby, but that can be attractive. At least he's not anorexic. First off he gets a beer. I get a hot chocolate. I kind of raised my eyebrows at the beer, because he initially said he was a non-drinker, and his profile said he was a nice Christian boy, but to each his own---- I'm not judging. I'm about almost half done my hot chocolate and he gets up and gets another beer and knocks it back. Ok, I thought... at least drunk people are funny. So I started asking him really strange questions, like "Would you rather have really long arms or really long legs?" And he says, "Whattttttt? My legs would be too long to walk, I'd have to cut them off and put them in my backpack." So I did this for awhile. I think there was nothing good on T.V that night, so might as well entertain myself. We actually had a lot of fun, and the next hour he had 2 more beers! By this time he is actually drunk and he can't even sit up properly, and he starts throwing pennies into my empty hot chocolate mug. He got one in, I don't know if it was legitimate or if it was a fluke.

I was hoping that I wouldn't have to drive this guy home, so I asked if he lived far. He lives all the way in Millwoods. It was winter, and really cold out, and I hate winter driving. To those that don't know, Millwoods is really far. I hate the south side, I always get lost.

So I tell him that he can't drive home, because he's had too much to drink. Guess what he said? "No problem, I rode my bike." Sigh. I told him that he shouldn't ride his bike across town because he could get run over, so he should take a cab. But because he bought 4 imported beers and a hot chocolate he didn't have any cash.

I had to make the choice.... give him money, or drive him home. I'll be damned if I will give a stranger, (a cute one) money for a cab. Be responsible and either don't get drunk, or keep an emergency $20 pinned in your underwears for when you are acting like a loser.

I decide to drive him home BUT HE WANTS ME TO BRING THE BIKE. I drive a really small car. I kept saying that it won't fit, there's no room... but he actually was really adamant that we at least TRY. Who am I to argue with a cute amusing drunk guy at midnight? Unfortunately, there is no front passenger seat in my car so it actually fit, with him in the backseat with his legs draped over part of the bike. It takes me almost 30 minutes to find his stupid house. He kept giving me bad directions, and finally I made him give me his drivers license so I could see the address.

Finally I find this guys house, grateful that he didn't puke in my car, and yes................ He did. He asked me if I wanted to sleepover. HELL NO. I thought about giving him a piece of my mind, but instead I  flung his bike between us and was like... see you later.... got in  my car and drove off... in the wrong direction, I got lost again, and this was before iPhone magic. I decided to ignore future booty calls from him, since I'm a non-alcoholic and don't want to be tempted.