Friday, 2 September 2011

#44. The Cold Sore.

Last night I met blind date #44. I saw him as I was driving up to the coffee shop, and I almost wanted to drive away. I knew that this date would go nowhere, due to long endless boring emails sent by him... but I was curious. Every girl my age hates going to weddings and banquets alone, so it's nice to have at least one guy friend you can bring so you're not sitting by yourself. Sigh. This might have been banquet guy. He seemed mildly entertaining in an email, so I thought what the hell. You only live once.

I parked around the corner and he was sitting outside. Which was kind of weird. It wasn't even nice out. Normally if you get there first you get a coffee and sit inside with your laptop in case you get stood up, so you just look like you need free wifi. But I digress. We said hello... and he just stood there silent. I suggested going inside, for a coffee, and he mumbled ok. This is when I noticed that he was a little slow? He managed to open the door, at least.. and I noticed that he even walked really slow. I had pretty much ordered and paid by the time he got to the counter. Didn't offer to pay, not even a fake out pay.... you know how some guys are cheap and offer to pay but you know they don't want to? It was only $3 so not a big deal. After we got our coffee, he just stood there silent and awkward again. For almost 30 seconds, at least... so I suggested we sit down. Three hours later he made it to a table and we proceeded to have the most awkward conversation I have ever had. It wasn't just awkward... it was PAINFUL.

Things running through my mind:
He's really slow.
He's really awkward.
Who wears suede jackets after 1995?
The faster I drink this coffee the faster I can get out of here.
Why can't I drink faster?
Why is this guy not talking?

So, I felt like I had to take one for the team and try to keep a lively conversation going... until... he started talking about cold sores. That's not exactly an attractive topic to talk about on a blind date, because I don't really want your herpes. So, I'm probably not going to kiss you. Or anything else, mind you because I'd like to be herpes free. During this 20 min run-on-sentence about cold sores, all I could think about was a big red pulsating cold sore. Like a traffic light. When there was a break, I mentioned that since I have strep throat I'd like to get to bed early (it was 8pm) and take a rain check on a movie. There was no way I was babysitting this guy through a movie. I wondered if he drove as slow as he walked and talked? Didn't want to chance it, so I said nice to meet you, (which was a lie) and took off.

The thing is, he's not handicapable at all, he was just a slow person.